This is a true story about my arrest in 2011, and the subsequent publicity.  It’s also a story about online reputations, as well as awakenings.

The Incident

In early January of 2011, I spent a night in a small place we’ll call a ‘Cell’.  Yes, that kind.  It all happened so quickly.  I went somewhere where adults sometimes go, and being a less-than-frequent goer, I handed over my debit card.  Later, I found it impossible to articulate why a debit card with a specific limit couldn’t cover a tab that left me shell-shocked.  I had the money, but couldn’t cobble together the synapses to understand what was happening.

I was arrested.  But within a short period of time, all matters were resolved.  Tab paid, no charges to speak of.  Just…that story on the web. 

That was well after the story made it on the news.   The arrest was quirky enough, but nothing was mentioned about why the arrest happened, or even what happened afterwards.  Clearing it all up wasn’t newsworthy.

I was at the wrong end of the news.

The story felt like it had happened to someone else – it felt unreal.  But there I was, front and center.  Honestly, I would much rather have had the role of dashing superhero, or debonair romantic supporting role.  Heck, I would have been ecstatic with a role as the 5th crew member in a Star Trek episode, nameless and disposed of by the villain.  Alas, no such luck.

I had spend two decades in the interactive world, building a reputation as a reliable, trustworthy creative, designer and user experience architect.  Now, I was getting threatening phone calls and I was being turned down for job opportunities.

In the end, I realized that this event, no matter how far from being a reflection of me it was, would always be there.

There really were only two things I could do.  Wait and learn.  Wait for due process to play itself out, and learn all of the lessons life brought to me.  I distinctly remember marking down ‘rapid personal and spiritual growth’ as New Year’s resolutions – I just didn’t expect an opportunity for growth like this.  So, without further ado, here are the lessons I learned.

What did I learn?

24 years of a great reputation can be quickly soiled with one really bizarre event that includes a mugshot.

If you head to a club, do so with a small amount of cash.  I would recommend 100 Dollars.  And if you buy food, avoid anything with body parts as a descriptive element.

If you are getting a mug shot, you need to smile.  You never know how it’s going to be used.

If you’re going through a divorce, find a way to cope that’s free, healthy and community-based.  I hope I never go through a divorce again, but if I do, I’m going to investigate professional Scrabble.

There is no better time to focus on ‘you’ instead of ‘I’ than in hard times.  There’s something selfishly aligning about giving.  Be good to your community and those in need ESPECIALLY when times are hard.

You are beautiful, fragile and still learning how to navigate a world that’s often tough to stomach. You’re not alone.  We all are. Love yourself, love your friends.

Be gentle and patient, even with new friends.  You may be the only one they have to confide in.

A public crisis is going to bring out the truth in how people who know you see you.  It’s the same for everyone.  Consider it a blessing in disguise.

Be open, be loving, be true, especially when you don’t feel like it.  You’ll thank yourself after it’s all done.

Don’t trick Google Search.  Own public mistakes when the time is right.  SEO isn’t synonymous with tricking the web. Optimizing means you help Google appropriately rank RELEVANT, not self-serving content.

Hire a good lawyer.  Even when things seem pretty straight-forward, the court system can still be challenging to understand.

Be upfront with your mistakes.  We all make them.  Sure, you didn’t eat  exotic food and go to the pokey for the night, but the day might come when you pull a ‘Micah’.

Respect due process, respect the system.  The system’s been here longer than you have.  If you upset the balance, do so knowing that martyrs usually have great timing or amazing public relations people behind them.

Never underestimate the viral power of a good story.  True or not, the Internet is just the newest conduit for a timeless human obsession – the campfire yarn.

You may be forgetting actual numbers, as your mobile phone’s contact list is so efficient in showing you a name as opposed to digits.  Memorize! Otherwise you may be calling an estranged family member at 3 in the morning!

Just when you think you can’t anymore, you can.  You are an amazing human, capable of putting up with immense pressure and pain.

There is life after every crisis that doesn’t kill you.  A wonderful life.  You’ll be stronger for it.  Heck you might even be stranger for it.  That’s a good thing.

Your life starts in your mind.  Think it brighter.

There is no such thing as failure.  In your darkest and even most absurdly painful moments, there are lessons that make life deeper, and give you greater ability for empathy with others.

January 2012 Update

It’s  been the toughest year of my life.  All the same, I can’t help but quietly smile.  The mishap forced me to realize that the only opinions that really matter are my own. Here’s what happened in 2011.

Shame filled me at first – some of my closest friends and family couldn’t get past the location and the, shall we say, roman tab, and walked away.  Part of me believed they might be right – this had happened for a reason.  Other friends smiled, even laughed, and woke me up to the reality of it all.

Unemployment hit me hard.  4 news stories constantly appeared around my resume.  I had a hard time explaining it in the early days – I felt deep shame at having embarrassed myself and my family.  People misunderstood that shame for an admission of wrong-doing.

I was forced to really reconsider who I was.  Was my career over?  Would my son some day read this and be embarrassed by his dad’s actions?  I was full of worry and anxiety.

So, how did I overcome?  Well, I’m not completely out of the water yet.  I’m still really embarrassed.  Laughing at myself is a lesson I’m still learning.

I learned to meditate.

I learned to love all of me, including the imperfect pieces.

I learned to stop worrying about who others thought I was.

I learned how to be modest.

I learned to ignore Google.

And the lessons continue.  But the most important one is that life is lived in each and every moment.  And although I stumble my way through living life well, fully and with integrity, I’m in good company.  We’re all trying to make sense of it all.  This event has brought me closer to other people.  It gives me a better ability to comfort others in hard times – I understand it well.  And for that, I would live through it all again.

So, what do you need to know about me?

Google me, and read it all.  And realize that I fully admit to being there.

Beyond it all, a man sits here in front of computer, writing this for you – half-smiling, half-grimacing.  I am not done with growing, but don’t mistake it for anything else other than realizing that my debit card blunder was truly, completely epic.